Garden Wars 3/18/18

We spent yesterday on super high red alert. It was exhausting! But, whatever the cost, we garden warriors will always do our duty.

Eavesdropping on the humans, we found out that the day was Code named “St. Patrick’s Day,” and that a major attack was expected. This was to be carried out by some kind of special rodents called “leprechauns.” Humans are so concerned with these dastardly creatures, that they cover their hair-deficient bodies with the color green so that they will not be pinched. These leprechaun things must be some kind of green colored rat with a claw like lobster for pinching. Well, not in our territory! No matter how horrifying the rodent, the garden soldiers will always repel the enemy! Always!

The humans fear these rats so much, that they encourage their littlest to band together in their schools to build traps to catch them. Our human was telling everyone that her grandson, Devon, once caught a potato in his leprechaun trap. Did you know that potatos can run around and get into trouble? We didn’t either. We will have to watch out for that in the future!

Since the littles were all making traps to keep their headquarters safe, Pippin and Hamilton decided that they should do the same. Our human slave wastes time crocheting things out of yarn when she could be petting dogs. She has much more yarn than she needs. Cozy blankets are one thing, but fluffy sweaters for bold warriors? Shudder! Never! So, helping to use up all that stuff before she makes something humiliating is a kindness. Hamilton and Pippin took it upon themselves to weave several large traps by rolling and wrestling in the awful stuff. It was a lot of work, and their diligence wasn’t appreciated nearly as much as it should have been! The green rats, were unfortunately too smart to be caught, and so were the potatos! We caught Merry a couple of times, though, so we know the traps were well made. Hope you were able to keep the green pinching rats away from your territory, too! Monkey!

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Garden Wars 3/14/18

We have had a horrifying experience!  Absolutely horrifying.  We aren’t even sure we can adequately explain how dreadful it was.

it started out with a nice ride in the car, smelling the smells and seeing the sights.  Merry started to become anxious and was muttering under his breath.  The car stopped and Merry pointed his nose to the sky and started to howl!  He must have second sight! The car door was jerked open, and an evil human man grabbed Hamilton and kidnapped him!  We all hopped out and were trying to figure out what to do next.  Should we follow his scent?  Run?  Pee on the car tires?  Before we could come to a consensus, the evil one captured the rest of us and took us into his prison.

We were all shoved into little cages, and forced to watch and listen while one after another we were taken out and TORTURED!  I shudder to have to tell you what we had to endure.  We were dumped in a big tub of water, and had sticky, icky smelling, sweet stuff rubbed all over.  Then we were blasted with air and our hair was pulled and brushed and cut!  He even cut away the hair from our, um, ahem, private areas.  He cut off the tips of our nice strong claws, and even pulled the hair out of our ears!  That hurt!  And why would this evil human want our ear hair, anyway?  To lay a false trail, and implicate us in some nefarious plot?

We were finally rescued and our ransom was paid.  Curse that cruel man, profiting from our humiliation and torture!  How will we live this down?  How can we keep our territory secure when we smell like flowers?  Mouse and Squirrel will snicker at us!  And the garden was completely unguarded while we were incarcerated.  When we arrived a strange mail carrier was there doing who knows what to our mailbox!  And the evil chows next door yelled insults at us when they saw the horrible condition we were in!  It’s a good thing it rained last night!  With any luck, we can find some nice mud to roll in.  I think we all deserve medals!  And bacon!  Definitely bacon!  Monkey!

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Garden Wars 3/10/18

We have famous, dastardly villains in our garden now – Mouse and Squirrel! It’s true! Really! Even the humans know about Mouse and Squirrel. They made a television show about them. Even though they misspelled Mouse as Moose, we all know what the reality is. What squirrel would hang around with a moose? Silly humans!

Yesterday, as we were resting in the sun after chasing skateboards with boys up and down the fence, Brock spied the tip of a naked tail disappearing into the geranium bush. Thinking it was probably Lizard, who lives in the bushes and likes to lead Hamilton a merry dance, we decided to let it go for now. Just as we were settling back down in a patch of sunlight, Mouse suddenly ran across the garden path, grabbed a piece of bird seed, and sat down to eat it!

Now, I don’t have to tell you that Mouse warrents an entirely different level of alert than Lizard! We barked. We ran! We followed the little fiend’s scent trail through the flower bed over and over, until a bicycle with a man on it came down the street and had to be vigorously warned away with barking and tearing of leaves off the rose bushes!

This was just the distraction that the second half of the sneeky duo was waiting for. Appearing out of thin air was the largest, furriest, Squirrel ever seen. He sat down in the middle of the bird seed, and started stuffing his face with sunflower seeds! Bold as brass! Naturally the alarm was raised, and the soldiers were summoned into the chase! Squirrel! We would have cornered and captured the scoundrel, except for some mistaken orders. Pippin tends to run to the tree where he last saw a squirrel, when the squirrel alert is sounded. Hamilton and Merry assumed that he knew something they didn’t, and followed him. That left three of the garden patrol uselessly staring up into an empty tree, with only Brock to try to capture the enemy. No one was there to perform a tricky pincher move, confusing the foe, and sending him back into Brock’s waiting jaws!

But, don’t worry! Now that we know that Mouse and Squirrel are behind all the garden attacks, we can plan ahead and be ready! We’ll get them next time! Monkey!

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A Good Dream

I dreamed of Devon last night. We were just doing ordinary things. We walked with his hand in mine. He sat on my lap and we read a book. All the day to day things that we let pass by without even noticing. We don’t realize how precious each and every moment really is.

The Dream was so vivid and realistic! I’ve never experienced anything like it. I could smell his own Devon smell as he leaned against me. I felt his breath when flung his arms around my neck and whispered, “I love you, Oma” in my ear. If I close my eyes I can still hear his voice. I want to go back. Every inch of me yearns to be back in that moment, to savor every nuance and to trap it all in a bubble so that I can live it again and again. Treasure your time with your loved ones – every single second! Monkey.

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Garden Wars 2/27/18

It’s raining. Water is falling willy-nilly out of the sky! Brock takes this as a personal affront, and wants it to stop immediately. He believes that it is probably something that is banned by the Geneva Convention, along with baths, walking through wet grass, and anything that involves water other than consumption. Water obviously exists to quench your thirst. Period!

Hamilton is chasing a dangerous smelling path through the bed of Narcissus. The flower stalks wave as he passes, just like you see the tall grasses in Africa mark the stalking of a predator in nature films. The scent seems to end at the fence, suggesting a squirrel or cat that can foil a good tracker by jumping up. Not really fair, but what do you expect from such dishonorable enemies? Perhaps if he goes over it again, it will change! You never know!

In a very suspicious circumstance, the mail truck, the FedEx truck, and UPS all showed up on our block at the same time yesterday. It had to be a conspiracy! The FedEx guy approached our garden, and pulled biscuits out of his pocket. The threw them over the fence! A tribute payment? A distraction? A bribe? We have integrity in this garden. No one approaches the sacred gate without being barked at, (except Mala the Younger, Brock’s and Hamilton’s personal chauffeur). No one! No matter how many treats you pitch at our heads, you WILL receive a thorough barking! The biscuits weren’t even consumed until the miscreant fled back to his truck!

Well, most of the biscuits were eaten then. Pippin was still wary. It could have been poisoned! It could have been explosive! So, he dug a hole and buried it. Then he dug it up again. He had picked too obvious a spot. He buried it again, and dug it up again. He felt eyes watching. Squirrels? Birds? The evil Chows next door? Buried in 4 or 5 spots before he was happy and was able to settle down for a nice nap in a small patch of sunlight. All was well. So, Brock, dug it up and ate it for him. It was a kindness. It will save Pippin the agony of having to remember where he put it. As the oldest, Brock takes it upon himself to look after the younger soldiers and keep them from trouble. Brock is so generous and good hearted! Monkey!

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Violence and Gun Control

Friend of mine, I’m going to ask you a big favor.  Gun control is a very polarizing subject, and the arguments for and against are well known and predictable.  Please.  Don’t marshal your examples and theories against my position.  Not right now.

Murder by violence, especially the murder of children, is a huge trigger for me.  I feel what the families and survivors are feeling.  Literally.  I feel them.

I understand that you have strong opinions.  So do I.  But I just can’t argue about it right now.  I am going to post articles in favor of stricter gun control.  It is something I believe in.  My boys weren’t killed with guns, but I have cried with many parents whose children were.  The pain is the same.  The loss is the same.  I feel it all over again, and cry for the lives that didn’t need to be cut short.  It’s pulling me into a very dark place that I can’t afford to be in right now.

So please, dear friend, don’t argue with my posts if you don’t like them.  I already know what your arguments will be, and you know mine.  Arguing is not going to change my position or yours.  I just can’t fall into that right now.  So, I am going to ask you to resist temptation and just pass my articles and memes by.  Click on the top right hand corner and hide them from your feed.  Give me time to express my outrage and anguish at the dying of so many beautiful lights.  To marshal my defenses.  To find my feet.  I’ll argue with you again later, I promise.  The arguments aren’t going to change or go stale while waiting.  Let me be.  I beg you.  Let me be. Monkey.

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Garden Wars 2/20/18

We suffered a major attack yesterday.  Extremely high winds decided to smite the garden with great force and howls of anger.  We ignored the taunts and hunkered down in our bunker while the winds raged and tried to find a way in.

This morning we surveyed the damage.  It was quite distressing.  There were sticks and fronds and leaves all over.  None of them had been cleared to occupy the garden.  They didn’t smell right AT ALL.  Chaos!  They all had to be inspected, questioned, and marked with the correct smell signals.  It was exhausting work!  It may have to be done several more times to make sure everything is really settled.

The most suspicious thing was the drainpipe that had pulled away from the wall and was leaning in a very peculiar way out over the hedge.  This has caused a great deal of consternation.  Was it dead? Injured?  Feigning something?  Colluding with the wind?  To be safe we are barking at it.  That should fix it’s hash, whatever it thinks it is doing.

Speaking of collusion, we are concerned with the actions of Pippin.  He was left alone to guard the house for a few hours this weekend.  Merry had joined Brock and Hamilton at Fort Mala, because there was a rumor that tree rats planned to launch an attack with grenades disguised as avocados.  Hamilton captured one of the missles and was forced to consume half of it before he could certify it as innert.  Hamilton always does his duty.

But I digress.  Pippin was guarding the house.  When I returned two trash containers and a bag of recyclables had been over turned and contents thrown about.  Rations container had been pulled to the floor and spilled in the kitchen, and dirty clothes taken from the hamper in the bathroom.  There was damage to unmentionables.  Upon questioning, Pippin declared that everything had been done by squirrels.  And a cat.  Now, opinions differ.  Brock frankly believes that Pippin has failed to do his duty, and continues to sniff him all over in suspicion, looking for evidence of collusion.  He huffs.  Hamilton is turning the house upside down trying to root out the enemy, which may still be hiding behind the refrigerator or under the bed.  Merry has pitched in good heartedly to help clean up all the spilled food.  It’s a big job, but someone has to do it.  What do you think?  Monkey.

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