Neal and I

I’ve been thinking a lot about Neal lately. Neal and I were very much alike. We had similar points of view, tastes in books and sense of humor. We liked peace and truth and hated to see anyone unhappy or in pain.

Sometimes it’s hard to go back to favorite things – books that I used to reread over and over or movies that I can watch again and again. There is a pain in revisiting my old friends now. I can’t turn to my son and say, “remember this part?” or trade quotes. I can’t complain to him when the movie diverges (gasp) from the book (sacriledge), and get a sympathetic head shake or groan. Worst of all we don’t get to share our favorites with the next generation, seeing everything once again through the excited eyes of new discovery. I want that back.

I watched “LOTR Fellowship of the Ring” this evening. I complained to Hobbes that Tom Bombadil and the adventures in the Old Forest were left out. He opened one eye for a moment. I told him that with no Tom Bombadil there was no barrow for the Hobbits to get their weapons from. He yawned. I explained with great earnestness that this was important because there were spells on the daggars that were aimed at the Witch King of Angmar who became the leader of the Ringwraiths. Without that spell, Merry wouldn’t be able to stab him and make him vulnerable later so that Eowyn could kill him. Hobbes rolled over on his back and put his paw across his eyes. When I got started on the fact that it was Glorfindel and not Arwen who came out to meet them it was too much. He jumped off my lap and went out through the cat door. Sigh.

I leave you with the lyrics to “In Dreams” which is played at the very end of the credits. It touches me now with a bittersweetness that it never had before. I do meet my boys in dreams sometimes. Those are the hardest dreams to wake from. Monkey.

In Dreams

When the cold of Winter comes
Starless night will cover day
In the veiling of the sun
We will walk in bitter rain
But in dreams
I still hear your name
And in dreams
We will meet again

When the seas and mountains fall
And we come, to end of days
In the dark I hear a call
Calling me there
I will go there
And back again

Words and music by Fran Walsh and Howard Shore,
Based on the song for the Entwives by Tolkien.
Performed by Edward Ross

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