Wow. Thanks so Much.

I must say that I was unprepared for the amount of attention I would receive after the Los Angeles Times article. I really appreciate all the kind comments and expressions of support. Thank you. I apologize if I haven’t responded to you directly as yet. I am a bit muddled right now and am unsure what I’ve done and what I haven’t. It means a lot to me that you have reached out to me,though, so please forgive me and don’t feel slighted if I’m a little bemused and out of focus.

Things are going a little better for me than earlier in the week. I am adjusting to my new medication and that makes things easier. Antidepressants are a really wonderful thing if you need help coping. But, since I take so many different medications, every time I add something new or stop taking anything, it takes my system a while to adjust. Sometimes I think I am just held together by chemicals. If I pricked my finger, what would actually come out? Would it be red, or some eerie alien looking substance? I wonder if I glow in the dark. Would you tell me if I did?

I spoke to Devon about Godfrey. Now, before you run to call the men in white coats, hear me out. It was at the suggestion of my grief therapist. I visualized him sitting on my knee (always the left one – Ian was always on the right) and spoke to him as if he was there. It made me cry because I really miss him. I would give anything to have him on my lap or his wiry little arms around my neck. I could almost feel him there as a physical presence – almost. It’s the almost that is so hard to deal with some times.

Anyway, I told him about Godfrey… about how he doesn’t get driven any more because he is old and has a broken axle. I acknowledged that I had promised never to get rid of Godfrey, but that it just wasn’t possible to keep him there any more. Perhaps his parts could fix another caddie and help it to run longer. Everything ends some time. We don’t want it to, and we desperately try to hang on, but everything comes to an end and gets recycled. Devon was passionate about recycling.

It sounds crazy, but I actually felt better about it after talking it over with him. I think that I can give Cars 4 Causes a call and have whatever proceeds are realized turned over to Whittier College for the Neal, Devon and Ian Williams Memorial Scholarship. Maybe tomorrow. Soon. Thanks, Dev. Monkey.


About griefsjourney

Neal's mom. Devon's and Ian's Oma.
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