Still Arguing

Comiserated with WC Chick because she seemed to be caught up in the pain of losing a relationship. Hoped my story gave her some perspective.

Her reply: “Jan, I don’t have a lot of pain and I’ve never been cheated on. I’m a real, honest and hard-working woman who doesn’t have a lot of drama in her life – thank God. I’m merely stating that the husband could have been considered a suspect as well since HE was the one who was betrayed by Joey and Eileen. Any man who’s been through something like that wouldn’t likely just “let it go”. I’m not placing blame; just wondering if this guy “could have” been set up by the husband to get rid of both of them. If Eileen’s family is ok with him and sure that he was not involved then good for him. But changing your name seems like a bit much, don’t you think? ”

My reply (verbose as usual) : “Well, you know, I’ve found that most people don’t have minds that work that way. Murder is an extreme step from which there is no returning. Maybe in books and television shows people tend to solve all of their problems with murder. Most normal people think in terms of divorce or even monetary revenge – taking the other person for all they are worth. Yes, I know many families where murder for revenge has occurred. The community of families dealing with murder is close knit.(We have to be since we make everyone else uncomfortable). It still isn’t the normal way to end a relationship. If I was to pick the most common thread among the murder victims that I know, I’d have to say parties. Parties are dangerous. Add liquor or other controlled substances to hormones and wounded pride, and it’s a recipe for disaster. And it’s usually some totally innocent bystander who ends up dead.

When people hear about my son they usually ask one of 2 things: “What did he do to make her kill him?” or “Didn’t you have some indication there was something wrong with her?” The answers are no and no. No matter what you think of someone or how you get along with them, unless you are also a psychopath it never enters your head that they will actually kill someone. And sociopaths are extremely personable.

Homicide detectives aren’t dim, however they are portrayed in detective stories. They immediately investigate everyone who was close to the victim. Sad commentary on our society, isn’t it? They didn’t give Eileen’s husband a free pass. He was also thoroughly investigated. That’s standard procedure and happens in every case. I was interviewed when my boys were murdered. It’s a very slow and painstaking process investigating a murder, and can take months or years. In our case an arrest was made within 24 hours, but we are still awaiting trial. That’s almost 3 years. In Eileen’s case it has been 2 years since her death. That’s a lot of investigative work. You don’t even get all the evidence presented in court out of a newspaper story, much less all the background and backup that was never presented. So, it stands to reason, no one is going to solve a case by reading newspaper clippings. I believe the right person was convicted in this case.

But, more power to you, WC Chick. Enjoy your armchair detecting. I’m glad you have no drama in your life. Wish I could recapture the days when I didn’t have any either. I am also an honest person. Used to be hard working, too, but after my 3rd attempt to return to my workplace (of 25 years) after the murders and my 3rd breakdown, I was elminiated. I’m 53 years old with health problems and a murder in the family. Not really considered a good candidate for employment in this economy – can’t even get an interview. Well, who wants to hire someone who may have a 2 month long trial in her future? I write, I volunteer and I crochet myself into a tizzy making things for charity. Don’t receive aid – just the charity of my own family. Do have that degree to hang on my wall, though, thank God – Summa **** Laude. My life would probably really be terrible if I didn’t have that diploma.

Keep that drama far away, WC Chick. Drama sucks.”

The fire in my head compells me to add that I find it very amusing that the comment program changed the middle word in “summa cum laude” to asterisks. Bad grammar and sex talk are obviously in greater use than Latin nowadays. Shame. I like Latin. It’s impressive and gives you a way to show off your education (even when you don’t know what you are saying.)


About griefsjourney

Neal's mom. Devon's and Ian's Oma.
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