Arguing With Idiots

I don’t know why, but I always seem to get sucked into arguing with idiots on the web, especially when their comments are about murder. Ian once told me that there was fire in his brain and that sometimes he just had to shake it. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it?

I started out arguing (and trying to defuse tension) with people commenting on the SGV Tribune story about the conviction of the two young men who murdered Sammantha Salas. There were some unkind things said about Sammantha’s mother – in fact one stupid person compared her to a murderer herself, saying that if she “wished them dead it was just the same as being a murderer.” How ignorant can you get? I didn’t want Jeannette to feel she had to defend herself after what she had just been through. I’ve about given up there, though. More than 200 comments and most of them seem to now be rival gang supporters cursing each other. No use arguing where there isn’t any hope of your words actually being understood.

Then I read the story and attached comments about the sentencing of Eileen Ponce’s murderer. This one woman wrote “Finding out that your wife is cheating on you with your own cousin is enough to want to be rid of her AND him. So what you do is have her killed and have him blamed for it. Ultimately the wife is to blame for starting a relationship with her husband’s cousin. Nobody gets away with adultery. It’s the worst kind of betrayal against your husband and in this case, your own daughter who now has to grow up without a mom. So sad. ”

Well, nothing upsets me more than people who try to lay blame on the victim of a murder. It never fails but someone has to comment that it was really the fault of the victim that they were killed. They shouldn’t have done this or should have avoided that. Grrrrr! Every single article you read about murder, anonymous bloggers feel compelled to trash the dead. Does it make them feel more secure in their own life? Anyway, I took exception to WC Chick’s comment and told her so.

She replied: “When you commit adultery you are in essence taking someone’s life. Everything they believe to be true is taken from them in an instant. Have you ever been cheated on by a spouse? The effects to the other person are immeasureable and they suffer a lifetime of grief over the loss of the relationship, even though they are able to move on. This woman knew she was doing wrong in God’s eyes and that’s all that matters. I’m not judging her, that’s up to God. My statement questioned her husband’s involvement – I believe the betrayal of his wife and cousin could have pushed him to do the unthinkable. That’s all. ”

Well, couldn’t let that go without climbing up on my soap box. So I replied in verbose and glorious detail. (My daughter recently accused me of always volunteering too much information. Guess she has a point. I just have to shake my brain when it’s on fire.)

Reply from me: “Are you serious? Adultery is an act of betrayal, but it isn’t the same as physically taking another life. No. Not an excuse for murder, sorry. There is NO excuse for murder. I’ve been betrayed in a relationship, yes. It happens. It hurts. You eventually get past it and move on. It’s part of life in modern society, unfortunately. Never felt the need to kill over it.

If I seem touchy at the idea of laying blame on the victim, I have good reason. Every family of a murder victim (I’ve met hundreds) has to deal with people trying to find a way to blame the victim for his or her own death. It’s rotten. And it’s judgemental. The decision to kill was made by the murderer alone. It is never the victim’s fault, although murderers and abusers love to point fingers and say “they made me do it.” No matter was done or said, one person felt they had the right to take another human life. No one has that right.

My daughter-in-law is awaiting trial for the murders of my son and their two small boys, ages 3 and 7. I would call THAT the ultimate betrayal – of them, of both families and of humanity. You can’t get past murder, especially murder by a trusted member of the victim’s own family. There is no way to fix it, no way to undo it or ask the person you killed for forgiveness. That person’s life is done. If you want to talk about a life turned upside down by betrayal, how about a two-year-old who witnessed the murder of her mother and will have to deal with the psychological consequences for the rest of her life? Or a 7-year-old child who has to be told that his best friend isn’t coming back to school because someone held a pillow over his face until he was dead? Everything he believed to be true has certainly been taken away, especially when someone lets slip the fact that it may have been his friend’s own mommy. That is a lifetime of grief and loss.

In the Ponce/Orta case, it was brought out at the trial that the accused attacked his stepfather with a knife in almost the same way at an earlier time. The little girl witnessed the attack, although she was considered too young to testify. The husband legally changed his name and that of his daughter to Ponce, Eileen’s maiden name. They live with Eileen’s parents. Seems a pretty awkward living arrangement if they even suspected that he had something to do with her death.”

So, here I go again. Sucked into yet another argument with an idiot, and it’s probably a foregone conclusion that it won’t make an iota of difference to her opinions. Sigh.


About griefsjourney

Neal's mom. Devon's and Ian's Oma.
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One Response to Arguing With Idiots

  1. MyDaddaysCat says:

    The reason people do that is because it frightens them. If it could happen to the innocent, it could happen to them therefore, they distance themselves by trying to believe the victim behaved in such a way as to result in their murder. Some behaviour they believe they don’t engage in, making them feel “safe”. “I don’t cheat, so I’m safe”. Of course none of us really are. We can’t read the minds of our spouses,our neighbours,our teenagers. Most murderers are known to the victim. None of us are safe from the evils of man, but its their sad attempt to feel so.

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